You will never guess when/where I wrote this poem.
Homeroom
By Romance Otaku (http://romanceotaku.com/)
These are the days I wish I could just leave.
Why is everyone here so naive?
A single blue flame on a yellow sun,
Its existence noticed by none.
Oh well, it makes no difference to me.
In the future we will see
Who is correct,
Who has their life wrecked.
So for now I just sit and wonder
About all the things there are to ponder
While watching them be cool.
We'll see who is the fool.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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I like rhyming. I feel like it's a lost art, since most next-generation poets and song writers say that rhyming is silly and pointless. I personally love a good rhyming poem and a catchy rhyming song. Freestyle annoys me XD. And the longer I make poems the worse they get, and I'm not a good poet, so I think this is the best it can be XD. But it takes time to learn to rhyme, so the feedback is nice. Thanks ^-^
I really did like this poem, but like the others said it is really forces. I would suggest leaving the rhymes, and going to freestyle. That is if you can't think of something to make it flow better. I myself dropped rhyming because it is so hard to accomplish without it sounding bad.
I also think I would make it a little bit longer. Add more details of why you think homeroom is a waste of time, or whatever point you want to make.
Hope I helped.
-Flower-
So you suggest switching the period out for a comma?
Hey Romance Otaku! I think Inkwell pretty much summed it up. I really like this poem, and I must admit that I look at homeroom that very way, sometimes. I did think the rhyming was pretty forced. Oh, here's one last thing ...
For some reason, I read that ^^ like this ...
I just thought that if I read it that way, other people might do so, too. I hope this helps!
- Abigail
So homeroom isn't a waste of time after all!
My main tiff is the forced rhymes.
I enjoyed this poem, I really felt like I was viewing the atmosphere and classmates of your homeroom.